The end of the day
by LoveHasNoPride
Summary: Just when Rayna thought her day came to an end Deacon showed up and changed everything. This (long) first chapter of my story is about the hours after the proposal and focus on the inner struggles, the thoughts and feelings of Rayna and Deacon.
1. Chapter 1

Five minutes ago Rayna Jaymes was fine.

Five minutes ago she went over her next week's itinerary and was just about to go to bed; she was tired.

Five minutes ago Rayna felt on top of the world and was once again in control of her life.

Five minutes ago things finally started to fall into place.

Five minutes ago she pondered on her recent engagement and started imagining her and Luke's life together. True, in the back of her mind ran thoughts about all that she didn't consider when she accepted his proposal, but for now she was able to put them aside. After all, there was still plenty of time to think about it.

Five minute ago.

What are five minutes in a scope of a lifetime? Nothing!

But tonight, in Rayna Jaymes' kitchen, they were enough to turn her life upside down.

It only took five minutes.

...Maybe less.

#

To say that she had a tumultuous year would be quite an understatement and at least career wise it all came to a head that week with the launch of her new album.

Rayna knew there were only two possible outcomes – winning or losing and for her losing was simply not an option.

First, she couldn't afford it financially. Second, she wasn't signed to any label so failing could very well mean a death sentence for her career. Third, she had Juliette Barnes and all the other people depending on her to think about and forth…well, she just really wanted to win.

It took her a while before she was ready to admit it, but deep down in her heart, Rayna knew there was more to her business decision than plain common sense and that in fact it had very much to do with the accident and the way it changed her.

If it wasn't for the accident that made her so impatient to anything or anyone that's been holding her back or appeared to be clipping her wings, and if it wasn't for that anger that's been accumulating inside her since then against everyone that brought her into the position of complete lack of control over her life, she might have chosen a different, less risky, approach.

But the accident _did_ happen and Rayna _did_ almost die and it _did_ shake her to the core and after almost losing everything and fighting so hard to get passed it she needed something to hang on to; she needed some stamp of approval that she's finally out of the woods.

Rayna just _had_ to win.

So she won.

And it was sweet!

Her radiant smile said it all-

**Rayna Jaymes was finally back.**

#

Luke made her smile.

Sometimes it amazes her how naturally smiling comes to her when she's with him.

They had a grown up relationship, based on mutual respect, deep understanding and appreciation for each other's needs and although no one was more surprised from this relationship than her, she still welcomed it with open arms. It brought some kind of peace and joy into her restless heart during one of the darkest times of her life.

There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she loved him. Once she even joked with Tandy that Luke is the best of both worlds - Teddy and Deacon. He's stable and dependable like Teddy but he also comes from her world, the music world, like Deacon.

Nevertheless that's not why she accepted his proposal.

Earlier that night Rayna stood on a stage illuminated by million lights doing what she was born to do. She heard the cheering crowd, felt their love and indulged on every moment of being _the_ 'Rayna Jaymes'.

She felt liberated, like she can do anything.

All she wanted was for this feeling to last and when Luke got down on one knee, at that particular moment, yes, of course she hesitated, but saying 'no' or 'maybe' meant ending her glorious well deserved moment and she wasn't ready for it.

Not yet.

So she said yes.

'What the hell', she thought to herself; I can do anything.

#

Yes, Rayna loved Luke and in a moment of spontaneity agreed to marry him.

That's great.

If only that was the whole story.

It wasn't.

#

'Starting over'- Is there really such thing? Can we really leave the past behind and start anew? Can we change our minds and our hearts and make them tell a different story than the one they told before just because we want and need them to? Can we forget what we already know and uproot what already struck deep roots inside us?

Is it really possible?

Rayna did everything she could to prove it is.

She almost succeeded,

Almost.

#

The mind and heart can be fooled, but not the body.

The body remembers everything with perfect clarity. Every deed, every thought, every feeling, every touch and every dream; it's all stored under our skin, in the veins and inside the bones.

Rayna tried to ignore it, but all it took was one gaze at her daughter, one note of an old song or one random careless look to remind her of all the things she already knew.

She knew there can be a connection so powerful and deep between two people that at times it feels like something bigger than them, like touching the ultimate truth…like music.

She also knew that it can never happen with Luke.

She knew that this connection, when it's good, there's nothing better, but when it's bad it there's nothing worse and it introduces you to the darkest parts of your soul and can become toxic and dangerous.

She knew that there was nothing in her life that haunted her more than this.

She knew.

But she tried to forget.

She _really_ did.

It was just too much and too impossible.

'Fake it till you make it', she kept repeating to herself in front of the mirror like a mantra.

And just when she thought she finally made it -

There was a knock on the door.

It was Deacon.

He only stopped by for five minutes.

…Maybe less.

#

On his way home, Deacon was on auto pilot. He got out of Rayna's house, closed the door behind him, walked to his car, got in, put the keys in the ignition, started the engine and drove.

His mind went blank.

Only when he got home things started to sink in.

Gradually it dawned on him that he not only just faced one of his greatest fears (and regrets) and dared to propose to Rayna again, but he also, for the very first time, fought for his family.

Deacon loved Rayna body and soul, that wasn't even a question. He knew in his heart there is nothing he wants more than a family with her and the girls (*he was even ready to accept Teddy as a necessary evil) only he never thought he'd have the courage to pursue it…defiantly not without alcohol as a booster.

When it came to him and Rayna, he already got used to living with regrets and that constant pang in his chest every time he thought of what could have been, but when he saw the despair on Maddie's face he knew he must act, _fast_! It was no longer just his happiness on the line.

His own actions tonight surprised him and gave him hope that maybe; just maybe, those simple things he secretly craved for his entire life are in his reach...the things he dared to wish for in one faithful night, a lifetime ago, at the Bluebird Cafe when he saw a beautiful, one of a kind, redhead girl sing her heart out on-stage.

For the first time in his life Deacon Claybourne started to believe he actually deserve them.

He could see things clearly.

He could now see that he; Rayna, Maddie and Daphne already are a family and that one of the things it meant was that they're bound for eternity.

He could painfully see that he may have lost Rayna forever because some things can't be undone and she was too battered and scarred by them.

He could also (finally) see that he's more than a guitar player or that guy who loved Rayna and that whatever happens, he can handle it.

So Deacon entered his house with a little grin on his face.

'Yes', he said to himself

'I can wait'.

#

She should have known he would pull something like this. It was so typical of him…of them. Only last year it was she that did something similar when he was seeing what's her name, the Vet (*Rayna was hardly senile but keeping track on Deacon's revolving door of women over the years was a full-time job and she already had one).

Furthermore, it's not like she was blind. She noticed how every step forward he takes as a father to Maddie also strengthen and deepen their own relationship.

But still, she did not see that coming.

If anything, Rayna feared that like so many times in the past, it will trigger him to spiral. She certainly didn't imagine that instead he'll bare his soul, say out loud the unspoken truth between them and offer to commit to it.

Now what?

#

The only thing Rayna could bring herself to do during the minutes after he left was staring at the ring she knew so well and feel how this simple silver band turns heavy and warm in her hand.

Every word he said touched a nerve and unlocked a door in her heart. Every step he took towards her destroyed one of the bridges she built around her and every touch bared another piece of her soul until she felt as if she was standing completely naked and exposed in front of him.

In a flash it all came back and was brought to light.

It was a bright light; brighter even than the million lights in LP Field.

This time she couldn't ignore it.

Deacon was the only one who had that kind of effect on her and she both loved him and hated him for it.

So when he left, the woman that only five minutes ago "had it all" felt like she had nothing.

#

Suddenly the phone rang.

It was Luke.

Although the last thing she wanted to do at that point was talk to him (or anyone else for that matter), she knew that avoiding his call would only make things worse

'Hi babe', she said, trying to sound as cheerful and relaxed as possible.

'Hi gorgeous'

'How are you? How are the kids?'

'I'm good. They're good, it's ALL good. Just told them about us, and they took it surprisingly well'

She could hear him laughing through the phone.

Rayna loved Luke's laugh. It was an honest man's laugh and that made lying to him, especially when he was so happy, even harder. She felt like the lowest of lows.

But really, what was she supposed to say?

Maybe something along the line of:

'Listen, here's a funny story. Guess who came by just now? Deacon! And guess what? He also proposed. Isn't that just hilarious? He also kissed me and I kissed him back but that's really just a minor detail because it's not like I've been in love with him my entire adult life and the only thing that caused me to let go was a near death experience. Ah, and since he's the father of my child even if I say no I'll still have to continue seeing him so it's always going to be between us'.

Sure! No problem _at_ _all_.

…Naturally the rest of the conversation went like this:

Rayna: 'That's great sweetie. But you know what? I'm really beat from this whole day so I really want to sleep so let's talk tomorrow when you get here'

Luke: 'Sure thing babe, get your rest'

Rayna: 'Thanks babe'

Luke: 'Love you'

Rayna: 'Love you too'

Luke: 'Night'

Rayna: 'Night'

Once Rayna put her phone down, she took another look at Deacon's ring. At this point it felt so heavy and warm that she feared it will burn a hole in her hand.

A ring of fire.

#

After couple of minutes of pacing from the kitchen to the living room and back, that didn't relieve any of the tension that kept accumulating but only made her dizzy, she finally stopped and stood beside the kitchen table.

Her eyes were fixated on that bloody ring again that was now placed there and all she could feel was an uncontrollable rage bubbling inside of her.

'Enough', she said out loud and then grabbed the ring, phone and car keys and stormed out.

'Not again', she mumbled to herself.

'This ends now!'

#

'That was quick'

Rayna didn't respond. She was not amused and that little smirk she detected on him certainly didn't help.

What she did instead was walk straight past him, enter his house (*actually barge in is more accurate) and position herself in the middle of the living room facing the door with her hands on her waists.

From his point of view she looked as if she was getting ready for a duel.

'OK…' said Deacon and closed the door.

'Should I get my pistol?' He asked jokingly. Something about this whole scenario amused him.

The harsh look she gave him in return made it clear she didn't share that sentiment.

'What's going on, Ray?' he asked while taking a step forward.

Rayna flinched and took a step back.

Deacon halted.

He tried to lock eyes with her but as soon as it happened she lowered her head and looked away.

'What?' he asked again, softly this time.

Rayna stayed mum, but something in her posture changed. It wasn't as assertive as before.

Deacon could sense she's struggling, so he tried to get closer again.

She didn't move this time but still looked the other way.

He took her hand in his and laid it on his chest.

Rayna closed her eyes and her upper lip started to shiver.

They stood together in silence for another minute until Deacon started to believe the struggle was over but when she opened her eyes and looked straight at him he realized he was wrong.

In her eyes there was something dark, deep and very, very sad. The last time he saw her like this was when he confronted her in the cabin about Maddie.

He wasn't laughing anymore.

#

All the way to Deacon's house Rayna rehearsed in her head what she'll say and how she'll say it.

She planned to enter his house, toss that...ring at him and then accuse him of being reckless and completely selfish for even consider it. She wanted to remind him they both agreed it's over and that it wasn't a decision neither of them took lightly. She also wanted to tell him that although she's glad he finally got to a place in his life where he believes he can be a father and a husband, putting her in a position where she's responsible for his chance of happiness is simply not fair.

She was so confident in what she was about to say, but it all went out the window the minute she saw him.

The words just didn't leave her mouth.

She no longer had words.

#

It was only a short distance between her car and Deacon's front door, but somewhere along those few steps it struck her that Deacon _actually_ proposed and that he did it completely sober.

Suddenly she realized she was standing in a completely unfamiliar territory. This time it's not just a fix, a temporary relief from the pain or a fear of losing one another.

This time it seemed that he was fully aware of what it entails and meant what he said.

This time she and Deacon can _really_ be together.

Once the truth revealed itself to her, she wasn't angry anymore.

what she felt was much worse.

#

Rayna was scared, petrified to be honest.

The harsh cold truth paralyzed her.

Anger was something she could handle, but fear? That was an entirely different story.

Rayna shielded herself from that emotion in every possible way, but now there was nowhere to hide

The type of fear she felt as she approached his front door was the one she avoided the most.

It was hope.

There was nothing that scared her more.

Anger was her last line of defense against it but now she lost in that battle as well.

So when she knocked on his door Rayna truly had nothing.

#

They say that hope is the last thing you lose, but what if you already lost it? What if you already lost it and came to term with it and created a life that leaves no room for it?

And what if after all of that, when all that's left inside you is not even a memory of it but only a shadow of memory, you suddenly unexpectedly got it back?

_What would you do?_

Rayna didn't do anything.

She just stood helpless in the middle of Deacon's living room.

A million thoughts ran through her mind and she could feel her heart beating intensely but it was not her head and not her heart that had any influence of her actions at that moment, it was her body; her blood was screaming and all she could do was obey.

No. She can't want him like this again. She can't need him. She can't _be_ that person again.

She can't, just can't.

And yet she was _that_ person. It was strong and primal, and...

'Not fair, it's just not fair' she murmured.

Deacon didn't move. For a second she thought he didn't hear her.

She was wrong.

He heard.

#

'Not fair? That's all you have to say?' Deacon asked and let go of her hand; that's not what he expected to hear.

That resentment with a hint of aggression in his voice was all too familiar.

He didn't change one bit, she thought to herself.

In a way that was a relief.

Once again she was in a familiar territory -

Deacon or she throw a punch and the other punch right back until someone is severely injured and leaves (usually with a door slamming). That's how they used to fight and she sure didn't miss it.

Once Deacon started to vent she automatically planned her attack. It scared her (but sadly didn't surprise her) how quickly and without thought she resumed her role in their toxic dynamic.

The same way she kissed him back without thinking an hour ago, she punched right back now once he laid the first hit.

It was a reflex.

'Yes, Deacon, not fair and even cruel, not that I expect you to even notice since you've been too preoccupied with spreading your sobriety wisdom around even if no one asked you to'

That was a hit below the belt and she knew it; she also didn't mean it. Her whole body was shaking, but there was no turning back.

'God, you are something!' Deacon replied and threw his hands in the air.

Suddenly an old memory surfaced. She and Deacon laying in bed together after yet another brutal fight. Rayna remembered how she told him that once they start fighting they're like ticking time bomb that always explodes.

As she stood before him now, she could almost hear the ticking of that bomb in her head.

Back then it didn't even cross their mind that something like that could ever tear them apart; they were too young and in love. They believed it was the only way to love, truly love.

They channeled that charged energy to their love making and music. They loved, fought, made up, wrote songs about it and moved on until the next time.

That was then.

Now everything is different.

#

Rayna was ready to throw the last, final, punch and be done with it. She knew that unlike the distant past there will be no catharsis afterwards, no love and no song.

Instead, there will be nausea, exhaustion, self hatred and sadness, so much sadness.

And yet, she couldn't help it so she opened her mouth and was just about to say the words that will take them both back and erase all the progress they've made, but then something happened.

Deacon happened.

#

Deacon didn't change his personality over night. He still fought the same battles. His demons were still there, lurking. But he did get to a point where he realized it doesn't have to determine the course of his life and that the time in his life when it was all about him and his personal battle was over.

So when Rayna threw insults at him, it hurt, of course it did (especially since he really didn't deserve it this time) but it didn't destroy him. He could still see beyond his pain and his own battle.

What he saw was Rayna, fighting her own battle, and losing.

He turned his face from her and went over to the fire pit, pressed his two hands against it and took a long deep breath. Then he turned around and faced the room again. He placed the palm of his hand on his mouth and took another deep breath.

After a moment he started speaking. His voice was quiet, yet steady and firm.

'You're right Ray, it's not fare; it's love' he said and gazed into her eyes. There was no longer uncontrollable rage there, just warmth, love and confidence.

'You and me, It's never not there and it will still be there no matter what we do, even if you marry Luke, move up to his ranch and start, I don't know, riding horses or make jams or something ridiculous like this.'

'Ridicules, ha?' She replied but stopped herself from continuing because, let's face it, he was right and she knew it.

In any case, Deacon seemed to ignore what she just said and continued.

'..and you know what? I can live with it, I'm already an expert' he said and shrug his shoulders.

Rayna gazed at him and without noticing smiled a little. Yes, she could completely identify with him.

'I already told you this tonight; I'm very good in lying to myself. _I just don't want to do it anymore'_

He paused for a second.

'You don't give up on something like what we have unless you really have to and now we don't have to, not anymore. We can...'

'But we can't Deacon. Why can't you see it?' The words just sprung out of her.

'You _can't_ change. I _can't_ change! _People can't change_!_'_she cried out.

Rayna felt she was about to suffocate. It was a mistake coming there, she was fully aware of that now.

She just had to leave, _now_! …Before it's too late.

She didn't even look over at Deacon to see his reaction to what she just said. The urgency in her body to get out and head home so she could breathe again was stronger.

She turned around and walked fast towards the door.

As she reached it Deacon came behind her. He put one hand on the door the other on her shoulder.

#

It was the second time he surprised her in one day.

#

What more can one day bring?

Rayna was about to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

'Stay', he whispered in her ear.

He stood so close, too close and that was exactly the reason why she had to leave. It was a matter of survival.

But as these thought went through her mind she felt how she involuntary release her grip on the door knob.

Deacon moved his hand. He laid his fingers on her palm, spread them and wrapped her palm with his.

Rayna didn't move a muscle while he slid one hand down her back and wrapped it around her waist and with the other took her palm and released it from the door knob.

Then he also placed his head next to hers.

Bustard, she thought to herself in her very few remaining functioning brain cells.

It didn't just feel good and familiar, it felt right. Her body was aching to give in and melt in his arms, but then as she was about to cave came rushing in all the other feelings...

'I can't', she whispered and leaned back.

'We can't do it again' she continued and ran her fingers on his arms.

'It always ends the same, you and me' she said and gasped as she felt Deacon's kiss on her neck.

It was so easy to let him kiss her and just as easy to kiss him.

Too easy.

###

'Deacon, please stop. Just...stop' she could hardly get out the words out of her mouth.

Rayna released herself from his grip, turned around and faced him.

'I'm sorry, Deacon' ,she said softly and stroked his cheek., deacon saw tears in the corner of her eyes.

'So what,you're just gonna give up on us when we finally have a chance?'

That's not what she needed to hear.

'Give up, Deacon? P?' She screamed from the top of her lunge.

'How many more times am I supposed to throw away everything for you and jump into your arms hoping that this time is will be different? It took me fourteen years to get over the last time'

She paused for a second. It was just to catch her breath because there was no stopping for her now; she had too much to say.

'I had attachments, I had commitments during that time. I had a husband that wanted his wife present and not pining over her old boyfriend. I had a daughter, that didn't wish for any of it but was a constant reminder to what we could have had. Then I had another daughter when I believed I was finally 'cured' '

'And you had me this entire time' he interrupted her and Rayna could sense the bitterness and resentment in his voice.

'Yes, Deacon, you're right I had you. I couldn't do the right thing and cut ties with you because I couldn't bare the thought of you not knowing your daughter, but also because, yes, you were and still are the best damn guitar player I've ever met and because I was selfish and weak. happy now?

'Yes Deacon, I loved you and couldn't be with you but couldn't be without you and you can add it to my long list of fatal flaws'

They Stood there, in the middle of the living room, so close to her that it was so easy for them to touch.

The energy between them was so charged that she felt the taste of his lips on hers just from standing next to him.

'And you don't anymore' he broke the silence.

The atmosphere in the room changed in a second. Now Rayna just felt exhaustion.

'Jesus Deacon, this again? When is it going to end'

'What the hell love got to do with it? She continued. 'That's not the point... It never was'

The last words came out of her as a whisper.

Rayna raised her head and looked directly at Deacon. Her eyes became fire.

'How many times have I told you that I love you? How many times have you told me that? millions of times.' She said and a sharp voice.

We said it so many times and we wrote it and sang it and…hell, we did everything but tattoo it on our arms. And you know what? We really meant it! Every single time! But how many times did this love save us? Zero!'

'I have so many memories of us, and every single one of them is stained by it. Rayna took a long breathe after the last sentence before continuing.

'It's not about love Deacon, it about trust and about when enough is enough'

'Put yourself in my shoes for a second. Would you do it? Would you have gambled?'

###

'What happened to you?'

'What?' his question threw her off.

'What happened to you?' He asked again and what surprised her most of all that he wasn't even angry. If anything, he looked concerned.

Rayna hated that tone, not just from Deacon but from anyone. It sounded an awfully like pity to her and there's nothing she hated more.

She became defensive

'life. That's what happened to me' she said

'Why are you like that? That's not you'

'Sure it is!' she said and the amount of bitterness in her voice scared even her.

####

'Ray, I can't fix it. I wish I could, but I can't, no one can. You told me we need to save ourselves and you know what? I listened, I had do. But you didn't. You did what you always do when things get hard...

'What? What did I do? Because I'm surprised you even noticed something that wasn't directly related to you'

Rayna was raged,

'You...' Deacon contemplated whether to speak or not.

He knew exactly what she was doing. After all, he has been doing it himself his whole life. She escaped.

'What? Come on, take it out', she was on a roll...

'This! That's what you do. You take control over the situation, you fix things for everyone else and you shut everyone out! And you know what?'

Now it was Deacon's turn to speak his mind 'You are right about so many things, Ray, but you are wrong about this'

'And you know how I know it?' He didn't wait for her reply.

'I know it because you didn't have to come here tonight. You could have phoned or just ignore it. So all of this tactics? I can take it but I'm not giving up until you tell me what's really going on here'

He was right. She really didn't have to come.

Why? Why didn't she stay home? Once again tonight her body took over, her blood. Once again, she couldn't anticipate the outcome.

'I know that' she said quietly.

'Then what Rayna? What?'

Rayna looked away. Tears came down streaming and there was no turning back anymore.

###

'Why now?' She said beyond the tears.

'What?' Deacon was confused.

'I sat there and listened to you at that sober house and you were amazing and then you came over and it was everything I ever dreamt of years ago, but what sprung this change? It sure hell wasn't me but I tried so hard for so long'

She stopped for a minute before she broke down.

'So why didn't it happen with me? Why wasn't enough?'

Rayna didn't scream or cry, she hallowed.

Deacon knew Rayna for so many years but he has never seen her like this before.

So many years have passed but Rayna broke down as if it was only yesterday. She didn't even know what was the origin of these words. She didn't think like that knew.

What came out of her was a cry of the young woman she once that still carried a pain that never fully healed. It was the cry of a woman who was tired of was that had to make her way in the world all alone.

Suddenly that young lost woman, whose dreams were crushed to the ground in the moment where they were supposed to bloom, came out of her. She tried not to think about that woman anymore.

The grief took over Rayna and she just sat there on the sofa and seemed as she was possessed.

He came over and sat with her on the sofa. Then he hugged her and felt how the tears suffocate him as well. He also tried, so hard, and for so long.

At that moment both of them realized something although they didn't say anything.

They realized it was the first time they grieved together.

They said nothing for a long time.

Only strengthened their embrace until there were no more tears left.

####

'You act like it's all about me having faith in you and it's not, it never was', Rayna broke the silence. She distanced herself a little and changed her position so she can look directly at him. Her voice was clear but warm and soft.

'You told me a while ago not everyone's as strong as me. I don't know about everyone, but I do know about you. You are strong. What you've gone through this year…Deacon, you're the strongest person I know and I believe in you, with every fiber of my being.'

Deacon didn't say anything. He was listening. After all, he knew there is a but at the end of it.

'Us Deacon, I've lost faith in us...it's just'

'When I watch you with Maddie, I know it's 'you' with her, but for me, in a way, it not YOU but someone else, new. I don't know that person.

'I know your body and how it fits mine. I know the rhythm of your heart and I hear it even when I'm miles away. I know the your soul and I know, there we are so much alike...and yet I don't know you, not anymore'.

'It sounds like a song', he said

'And I guess we already wrote it at some point', she quickly replied without even thinking.

At the edge of his mouth there was a hint of a smile.

####

'You never told me what you thought of the album' he asked after a while.

I thought it was perfect Deacon, and very, very you'.

'Not that I'm surprised' she continued.

'You are at your best without me'.

She could feel how saying those words out loud hurt her like a knife. It was the feeling she had while watching him speak at the recovery center.

Deacon walked to the other side of the room and played the album.

'Keep coming back' came on.

'See? Better without me', she said sarcastically.

'This song is...something else Deacon'

'Ray, do you really believe that?'

I just say what I see.

But do you believe that?

'I...'

The best thing of my life we did together', Deacon said firmly and looked at her. Then he leaned over and kissed her softly and one would when feeling overflowing with love for the mother of your child.

Rayna felt so much love pouring out of her. It was not just the man she loved for years and that she has so much history with that kissed her now. It was the father of her daughter and it brought out this new emotion. They were so entangled already, but this new string that now appears and connected them was so soft and warm and strong that it was too much.

Deacon pulled away for a second. She looked at him with her big blue eyes and a tear in the side of her eye. Then she moved closer to him, placed her palms on his face and kissed him passionately.

This time it wasn't a reflex.

This time it was just love.

####

What happened next, looked from the outside like a beautiful dance for two. They were completely in synced.

Body within a body. soul within a soul and two hearts beating in perfect harmony.

Symmetry,harmony.

Passion, love.

Truth,

music.

###

It was early morning when Rayna woke up. At first she wanted to go back to sleep but then she remembered where she was and slowly opened her eyes.

This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to wake up in her own bed after having sweet dreams about brimming record sales and a honeymoon in the Caribbean (*not ).

Well, yeh, that didn't happen.

And yet, it felt like home.

She turned her body to the right and lied on her side facing Deacon.

He was still asleep.

Part of her wanted to get closer, reach out her hand and run her fingers through his hair. She wanted to stroke his cheek, kiss him and wake him up, but another part of her just enjoyed the moment. It was pure and simple and beautiful and...perfect.

Soon it will all be over and the harsh light of day will enter the room and stain it with...well, life. But for now all of it didn't matter.

Just when she was about to turn her back and get out of bed, Deacon opened his eyes.

As first he smiled at her and reached his arm to her waist to pull her closer to him.

'Morning', he said and kissed her gently.

They laid there facing each other with his hand around her and her hand on his face.

But it didn't last for too long. She still loved him (more than ever) and her body still craved for him but the sun came up and it was morning.

She remembered Luke and their engagement and her daughters and Teddy her Label and record sales and Juliette Barnes.

But most of all remembered last night. From the moment Deacon came to her house to the moment they fell asleep in each other's arms. She felt it all with such intensity but as usual, feeling that love also meant opening the place for the pain and the bad memories that still refused to leave her alone.

'I really need to go' she told him

'So you're going back to him'

'I'm going home, Deacon'

'To him'

'Don't do this'

'Do what? Go back to the way it was? Act like nothing happened? Sing at your wedding?'

'No...I meant, don't turn it into him or Luke versus team Deacon. We're not teenagers and it's not a soap opera.'

She meant what she said. It really wasn't about any of them, it was about her and how she's changed and how she also stayed the same. She needed to decide who she wants to be now. She thought she knew, she thought she moved on but now she was once again the woman she was years ago and also with this new Deacon, she was this new woman she never met before...and she loved it and feared it and resented it all my life.

She didn't know what to do.

####

When she finished getting dressed she saw him sitting on the sofa with his guitar. All she wanted to do was join him, but she didn't.

She gathered her things and headed for the door. Deacon didn't stop her this time.

She opened it and got one feet out the door.

Deacon watched her from behind.

But then, she suddenly stopped.

Instead of getting the other leg as well and completing her exit turned around and got back inside.

'You did sing her to sleep' she suddenly said.

'What?' He asked and seemed baffled.

'Maddie. You said that you never sang her to sleep but you did'

'Ray, what are you talking about?'

####

'It was when Maddie was a baby, maybe five months. It was the first you saw her and also the first time we met since, well, you know…'

'Since you got engaged to Teddy and I lost it', he quickly replied.

Rayna ignored it and continued.

'You came over, unannounced as usual. Teddy was away, Tandy was out somewhere and I was home alone. What I remember was that everything was a mess. The house was a mess, The phone kept ringing, Maddie wouldn't stop crying crying and I was so tired!'

'And I showed up'

'Yes, you did'

'Actually, now that I think about it' Rayna said, 'I have not recollection of why you came'

'Probably to inflict myself some more pain, since that's usually what I do when I'm really miserable', Deacon joked.

'But you're so good at it', she smiled and rolled her eyes at him.

They both laughed.

They earned it.

'Well, thankfully your martyr tendencies are not the issue here' she continued.

'You started to say something but then Bucky showed up. Think he wanted me to sign something. God, I remember the look on his face when he saw you, sheer horror!...Anyway, I tried to get him to leave. It was really one thing too many, but while Bucky and I were talking the crying suddenly stopped and you disappeared. I thought that Maddie miraculously finally fell asleep and that you were simply waiting in the other room, so I stayed and talked to 't think it took more than five minutes'

Rayna paused and looked at Deacon. He was attentive.

'When I got back..'

Rayna paused again. She looked at Deacon and when she spoke again, her voice was slow and soft.

'When I got back', she took a deep breath, 'I saw you sitting on the sofa holding Maddie in your arms sing to her. She smiled at you, grabbed your finger and made those baby noises that at that moment sounded to me like humming.I remember standing at the hallway looking in, watching the two of you together'

'It was...' Rayna stopped talking.

'On that spot I offered you to be my band leader', she said.

'That part I do remember', Deacon said. 'I also remember it came to me as a total surprise. Didn't think you wanted anything to do with me'.

'I didn't have a plan; I barely kept it together, Deacon. All I know is when I saw you two together...I couldn't let go'.

'Why are you telling this now?' He asked and his voice was peaceful and calm.

'Because now I can', she answered quietly.

Deacon smiled at her. It wasn't a full smile and wasn't a happy one, but the one that comes from accepting the way the road winded. She smiled back at him the same way.

Deacon kept looking at her. He could sense there was something more she wanted to say and few seconds later she dared to say it herself.

'And also, it's because you deserve it, at least that'

Deacon didn't reply. There was nothing to say and the silence between them spoke volumes.

'Now I'm really leaving', she said and walked towards the door.

'What are you going to do?' He asked and was surprise by how calm he felt.

Rayna paused and turned her head around.

'With Luke?' She asked.

'No, with you'

'I don't know. What I can, I guess' she said and he could see that her mind was already somewhere else.

Rayna turned her head back, walked out the door and left.

####

Deacon moved his eyes across his room.

He loved his house but at that moment it was the last place he wanted to be in; It felt empty.

She left and took a piece of his heart with her.

It happened so many times in past and yet, this time it was a little different. This time she took away his family as well.

He didn't know what to do with it yet, but felt this complete certainty that the fight wasn't over. She can come and leave as many times as she wants but at the end, they'll find themselves in the same place, at the same time.

In the meantime, there are life to be lived and there's music and most importantly, there's Maddie.

Involuntarily he grinned a little while thinking about it.

Deacon looked over to the kitchen, where she placed the ring earlier.

He wanted to take it and put it away for safe keeping, for now.

It wasn't there.

He rushed over and looked around more thoroughly, but couldn't find it anywhere.

When he realized what just happened he found himself once again smiling.

'Yes', he said to himself,

'I can wait'.


End file.
